(no subject)

[allie]

I'm so tired and frustrated. I can't tell what's actually causing frustration and what's only annoying me because I'm already frustrated, which is making it worse.

I've been trying to keep on top of all of my obnoxious academic reading,* in addition to rereading the stuff I need for that talk on Thursday. It's exhausting, but I've always felt like a fraud so I have to take every opportunity to keep up. Besides, it makes me feel like I'm doing something important.

I feel like I'm waiting for something. Like I'm killing time. I've sent off a few more resumes, but I don't think that this is about employment. I just can't grasp the idea that this point, this moment, is the culmination of everything I've done since being born. It's like being on an escalator. All I ever do is stand around and hope that there's a destination.

How many hours am I awake? If I could just spend one week working as hard as I can, I could turn my life around. There's so much tedious leisure in my life. It's not even pleasurable anymore. I want to get up and go.

I don't know what's stopping me.


* Side note: Literary criticism is a legitimate academic field, not just a bunch of people sitting around with bongos talking about how far out their favorite books are and using a bunch of long words to make themselves sound smart. This should go without saying, but I'm snippy because I've been getting a lot of 'oh, you're so lucky that you don't have to do real work' recently.

Comments

[continuum.livejournal.com]

fff I'm going into English Lit, and I'm getting that response a lot, too. :/ *punts them and hugs you*

[stopcounting.livejournal.com]

We need to make pamphlets that we hand out to people who imply that we're lazy and/or unintelligent.

[lokogato.livejournal.com]

fnfhtnaf;skldja LIT CRIT IS SOME OF THE TRIPPIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER READ. People who have no idea what the subject entails need to get a faceful of literary theory before they can speak. >(

Good luck!!!!

[stopcounting.livejournal.com]

I know, right? It gives me a headache to think about! But people who don't know anything about it are like "oh so all you have to do is talk about the true essence of books and call it deconstruction" and I'm like THAT WORD DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS DAMMIT.

[lokogato.livejournal.com]

Bleehhghfn THOSE PEOPLE NEED TO BE LOCKED INTO A ROOM AND DENIED FOOD, WATER, AND PORN UNTIL THEY HAVE SUCCESSFULLY DECONSTRUCTED A POEM. Any poem. But preferably an Eliot poem. I FLED FROM MAJORING IN ENGLISH FOR A REASON. A NONFRIVOLOUS REASON. >__>;

[valentinite.livejournal.com]

People really say that? I mean, I occasionally just blink at theory geeks because the jargon is even more impressively impenetrable than, say, government science agencies, but I know it's a serious field. Ick.