allie: (Default)
[personal profile] allie
So, today I procrastinated by reading a book about personal space across different cultures, and it made me think.

Everyone knows it's not cool to run up to someone you don't know and hug them (or make any physical contact) without asking for permission. This is common sense...I don't run up to a person in the mall because I like their shirt. But if I know someone online, I usually don't ask permission before hugging them irl, unless it's clear they're uncomfortable. I'm self-centered, so I just assume that if I'm comfortable, everyone is comfortable. The possibility that they might not be usually doesn't even occur to me.

This is very, very uncool.

I want to individually apologize to people, but I really don't know who I've made uncomfortable, and honestly, I don't remember how many people I've touched inappropriately (dear god that sounds bad, but I phrase it that way to include things like touching someone's arm while talking, or touching their hair while complimenting it, or picking off a piece of fluff without giving more warning than 'hang on a sec').

In short, if I've made you uncomfortable, I'm incredibly sorry. In the future, I'll try much, much harder to be more respectful.

Now, back to real work.

Date: 2010-05-11 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hon. The fact that you're even taking the time to think about this sets you way ahead of all the complete strangers (and by that, I mean, people you've never even communicated with before in any shape or form, online or RL) who do the same things without giving it a second thought. I daresay that if you've gotten to know someone fairly well online over a period of time, and they haven't indicated that they mind such RL contact, you're probably okay. (Of course, I can't speak for other folks, but from my observations of how people interact with each other, that's my best guess.)

I myself am not much of a touchy-feely person in RL, but I try to make that pretty clear to anyone who knows me so that there are no misunderstandings. I also try not to touch other people without their permission, but again, that's just me. Now, say I were to meet you in person at the next NDK, etc., I'd be cool with that because I have gotten to know you over time, at least in an online capacity. =) If you were a complete stranger, however, that would be a different story.

Unhelpful comment is unhelpful, I know. XD

Date: 2010-05-11 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You've never made me uncomfortable, bb, because I'm the exact same way. My family is physically affectionate--my mom still holds my hand sometimes, even--and I grew up with that need to touch to show fondness. I've gotten better at reining myself in, though. I try to ask for permission to touch when I pick a fluff ball off clothing or something like that...

Date: 2010-05-11 04:24 pm (UTC)
tiassa: (chibichibi)
From: [personal profile] tiassa
Allie, if I don't want someone to touch me, I make it very clear that I don't want them to touch me. If I haven't dodged then you're good.

Date: 2010-05-11 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I totally don't mind if people touch me inappropriately, just FYI in case we....ever meet. (which will happen soon. *INSISTS*)

But yeah, my friends grab onto me and fall asleep on my lap and shit all the time, so I'm kind of like you, tbh. 8D;; If I know someone well enough, I'll start touching. /)_(\

Date: 2010-05-11 05:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
HAHA, I worry about this too. ;_; Because it's like SCREAM I'M MEETING YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME HELLO /LATCHES ONTO ... but sometimes people are weirded out by that. Though I think that reading people's body language can help some. 8D I'm pretty sure I hugged Jansen the second I saw her, whereas with Fam I could tell she wasn't the touchy-feely type.


Date: 2010-05-12 06:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm one of those people who generally doesn't initiate physical contact until the other person does, but I'mmmm usually quite \o/ about it. I like contact with those I like? Something like that. On the flipside I usually make it pretty clear when I don't want to be touched.

IN OTHER WORDS you're fine, bb.
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